Kink House – Intro to Clay
Meet Clay, one of our contributors for the Subspace Exploration Project. What are the benefits of One-Off Kink scenes? Clay describes what a lot of his early sexual experiences were like – before finding his people, before discovering BDSM, trusting himself and finding play partners he could be vulnerable with.
“Yeah. A lot of my beginning experience must've been just like sub-drop after sub-drop, like, not a good feeling. Like I wasn't engaging in any kind of, like, like masochistic. I'm a masochist. I love pain. I think it's fuuun. And also not fun. But I love it. And like, I like to challenge myself and I'm often putting my partner's pleasure, like, ahead of my own.
And so, like a lot of my sexual experiences when I was younger were like: I'm doing this to feel hot and good about myself. And like, maybe try to make this into like some sort of, like fantasy scene situation, but it never really dipped into that and it was always disappointing and then I did like definitely feel like heavily used and abused afterwards. And I'm like, great!
And then I feel like shit and then I do it again. Then I feel like shit again. So and that, that. And then after like a bunch of that, I just started, I thought I was asexual for a while. And that was really tough because I like had at one point, really enjoyed sex and I was a horny young person. I'm still a horny young person!!
Like, so it's really sad to go through a few years of like, I don't touch myself. I don't touch anyone else. I don't think about a naked body. Like, it's all bad and not good. And I like totally... forsook? Yeah. Forsook? I had forsaken. I could just use past perfect. I had forsaken my inner kinky, debaucherous desires and fantasies.
Uhh!! I really lost myself for a long time. And then I found myself. Surprise!! I'm trans. So once I started figuring things like that out I, just like finding, like, healthy, kinky, queer community online, I was like: “Oh!!! I can do this. This is for me. This is something that people do and like, I can do it too. And I did. And had a good time.“
