the Dex Ranch Experience

Kink Roundtable

In this episode Ronen, Clay, & Todd talk about our experience at Dex Ranch and how it ranks as a kink venue. What makes for a good Dungeon? It turns out that a good Dom is needed to run and maintain a good Dungeon. After some reflection we can’t give Dex more than 2 out of 5 Ball Gags. With concerns about drinking, no Dungeon Monitors, and very poor attitudes and practices around consent, we don’t consider Dex Ranch a very safe space unless you are experienced and attend with a lot of trusted people.

Kink Roundtable – the Dex Ranch Experience

Welcome to The Subspace Exploration Project, a personal journey into kink, non-monogamy, mental and emotional health, gender expression and building community.

This is The Subspace Exploration Project.

In this episode, we sit down and discuss our recent experience at Dex Ranch.

What makes for a good dungeon?

What skills, disposition and standards does a person need to maintain a safe, successful and fun dungeon space?

A good dungeon is a space that is well managed, that is operated by people in a community that openly and consistently maintain clear standards that support the community as a whole.

To be clear, like many others, we didn't have a great experience at Dex Ranch.

The space is well designed, and there are liability waivers that protect Ken from being held responsible if anything happens.

But there are no dungeon monitors, no clear posted rules about conduct or safety.

There is a red and green wristband system in place that is supposed to indicate consent to be approached about play.

Unfortunately, that wristband system is not taken seriously by Ken or the regulars that attend Dex Ranch.

In fact, the way the place is run is a mix of Swinger and Kink community standards, which are very different.

Dex Ranch is very much a casual party atmosphere.

In the interest of keeping the party going, Ken fails to dom his own space.

The Dom of a Dungeon has clear standards and is not afraid to let everyone know what they are.

The Dom of a Dungeon prioritizes the space and the community over their ego.

The Dom of a Dungeon is reliable and respects the position they hold in the community.

With a ranking of two out of five ball gags, we can't really recommend Dex Ranch to anyone new to kink.

We also strongly advise people to go to Dex Ranch as a group.

Here's our roundtable talk, the Dex Ranch Experience.

So regarding Ken and Dex Ranch, I went ahead and sat down with Ken and talked with him on Riverside.

And he got into a little bit about the community divide and kind of where the disagreement is.

Where the divide, where the community divides.

Yeah, yeah.

And part of it was around, like he didn't want to shut down the ranch when COVID hit, so there's a disagreement about that.

But there were some other, a number of other things.

One of them most notably is just they, some people in the community think that consent is king.

A number of people that used to be close to him used to consider him a friend.

Strongly disagree with the way he managed some things back in the day.

And they're a bit more strict on what constitutes consent and a consent violation.

And I feel like that stuff that, I mean, we're not in a position to rehash that stuff, you know, and outside of having them sit down on camera and hash it out together, really figure out what happened and if things can be resolved.

We can't really get into that.

But I feel like what we can speak to, or what I can speak to, is what we've experienced, what we've witnessed when we've gone out to Dex Ranch.

And how it makes us feel.

And for the most part, when we were originally talking about it, I was pretty excited about the place.

I thought it was pretty cool.

We were actually supposed to go and meet folks from Naughty Productions when we went out there.

They were going to do a Rope 101 class.

But there was a snowstorm, and they didn't make it up.

And so we were just kind of hanging out.

And we were just killing time, weren't sure what was happening.

And they've got this bracelet system, this red-green bracelet system that indicates if you're interested in playing or not.

And you and one of your roommates were wearing red bracelets.

I think you were also wearing a red bracelet too.

No, I wore a green one.

I wanted to see if anyone would talk to me.

But no one did.

But yeah, so two of us were wearing red bracelets, which means no, I don't want to be approached for play.

And in a space like that, I appreciate those kinds of things, because I'm not necessarily looking forward to turning down anyone or even saying yes to anybody.

But what I didn't like about it is that my choice to wear a red bracelet was criticized.

Criticized in that am I going to have any fun, or I'm not going to talk to anybody.

That's boring.

How is that supposed to make me feel, other than pressured into something that I don't actually want to do?

Or like, I don't know, doesn't make me feel safe?

Yeah, and for that to happen more than once over the course of an hour or two by the same person who happens to be the owner of the venue.

Yeah.

Like I didn't completely see that happening.

Like I kind of picked up on it later, but it wasn't until the next day, and I kind of sat on it, and I'm like, you know what?

That bugs me.

That is really not fucking cool, because it was one thing if it was once, and like if it was like the first month the guy was running the place, I could forgive it.

Yeah.

You know, it takes a little while to develop, get a sense of what is right and wrong, what my responsibilities are in running a place like this.

Yeah.

Years into it...

You know the shit that goes wrong.

Yeah.

You know all the things that could possibly go wrong, and what makes things unsafe.

Yeah.

It really feels like...

You know, I understand it.

It goes with this whole persona thing, but it's like leveraging the fact that he's got a place, and he's chatting you up, and he's like...

And then it's ongoing, like throughout the night.

You sure you don't want to play?

You know, it's one thing to talk about like, in the future, I would like to do a scene with you.

That's fine.

That's perfectly okay.

But if you've got a red bracelet on, that's a no for tonight, for whatever the fucking reason is.

Yeah.

You've got gas, you're not into it, whatever the fuck, or you don't have permission.

Yeah.

You know, there's any number of reasons why you don't want to fucking play that night.

And it's painted on your fucking arm.

And I don't want anybody an explanation on why why I don't want to play.

So having multiple conversations.

I find that disrespectful.

Yeah.

And a number of people I've talked to about this disagree or say it's okay to have a different opinion.

It just depends on the people, depends on the venue.

And he talked about this in his first interview, but the people police themselves about drinking.

I strongly disagree with that as well.

Because historically, people aren't good at policing themselves.

Like, I think it's from a business standpoint, I think it's kind of like an increased liability that I wouldn't want to have on my plate.

Just like fucking health and safety perspective.

Then there's all kinds of power play going on.

Risk of people going into shock, depending on the choices that they're making, depending on what they're doing.

Physically going into shock and having a medical emergency.

Drinking increases that risk.

And then on top of that, consent.

It gets blurrier.

Yeah, there's all kinds of increased risks involved.

He does have those waivers that you sign, that you accept your own risk in being here, and the choices that you make, and the things that you do.

Which, sure, I have been to...

I mean, something that I had also thought about was like, I have been to bars, or I guess clubs, that are there to sell their alcohol, and cocktails, and liquor, whatever, and also be a place where you can do sex activities, or kink activities, really.

I don't think they really want you having sex, for other people to see.

And so in that situation, people are drinking, and of course they're drinking, and it's fine.

But I think because more is happening at this venue, and it's like there is no regulation in place for it.

I believe Ken said himself that there are no dungeon monitors.

Yeah.

Especially if you're allowing people to just trust themselves to monitor their drinking, but then you don't have any safety net in place for people who aren't doing that.

And you just have to trust that other people are keeping an eye out for everyone, and it's just, as much as I would love for that to be the truth, I'm not so sure that that is actually what's happening.

And so I don't believe it's appropriate to have a setting for as big as that.

It's a hundred person kind of deal.

A setting as big as that, where you're allowing people to do what they please, and you have no one else going around just double checking someone sober to monitor.

Not necessarily police, but like maybe just making sure everybody's doing okay.

Well, we know that Ken is out there.

He's socializing, but he's also playing.

Sometimes he may or may not be drinking.

He's doing a million things.

Yeah, so he doesn't have dungeon monitors, and he's kind of keeping an eye out sometimes, but not reliably.

You know, there's not any kind of proactive, like if something needs to be dealt with, it's dealt with in the moment.

It's always reactive, like somebody realized that something's happening or could be happening, and then they go flag someone down.

And, you know, if it's a medical emergency or it's a maybe some kind of assault or something.

Yeah, or like I'm just concerned about some things that I'm seeing.

Can you just double check what I'm seeing?

Yeah, it's and and Ken wondered why me as a 24 year old new to the scene hadn't come to Dex Ranch before.

And I'm like, well, frankly, I have no idea what's fucking going on out here.

And I'm not into the big old crowd, risk taking business.

So I'm here now with my whole crew.

And what I saw was definitely not the environment that I would have wanted myself to go into alone.

Or as someone new who didn't know very much looking to learn more, I would not suggest that be your first stop.

That is for someone who knows precisely what they want.

And I don't know, I don't know.

If you're going to go out there, I recommend that you have at least one person that you go out there and you know you're leaving with, that can help keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe.

Because it's very much a party atmosphere, and it's not like...

I wouldn't say that all bases are covered.

Like, general vibe, it's kind of cool.

There's not infrastructure to keep everybody safe.

There's not policies to keep people safe.

So that, I mean, that's kind of a big concern for me.

If I were to rate it, I would say...

How many cheeseburgers out of how many cheeseburgers?

How many ballgags out of how many ballgags?

I would say it's maybe two out of five.

Ballgags?

Yeah.

I don't know what else to say on Dex Ranch.

I feel like I maybe...

You said a lot of what I had in mind.

Um, I don't know him, and I don't have a problem with anything that you guys said.

And I wish that I had seen him poking at you.

I would have said something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cause this, okay.

And where I got kind of done with him as a person, was when he said he enjoys his white male privilege.

We probably should have left right about then.

I think we need to be a little more aggressive with people like Ken.

Yeah.

Because he's slick.

Yeah.

You know, where he thinks he is.

He has, you know, some tenuous power in his head.

He's using his power happily.

I mean, that night he leveraged, I mean, a couple of different instances when we were out there.

I mean, cause he said that actually before we even interviewed him, wasn't it?

Yeah, one of our opening conversations with him going on about...

And I kind of just, I'm like, okay, yeah, that's what I expect.

It's part of the course, you know.

But you're right.

I, and I think we shouldn't be afraid to lay down a line and say, hey, we're not gonna entertain this type of person.

Cause I'm, I have no problem, you know, saying I'm very far left.

And the further right you lean, but also exist in this non-monogamous community, like you're-

Yeah, it's, well, it's concerning that you're most likely voting against your own self-interest pretty consistently.

And everybody, all of your friends and the people you fuck and you consider close to you, you're voting against their existence at a certain point, their right to exist.

Personally, I can't call someone who does that part of my kink community.

My kink community is leftist and radical and queer.

I guess my community is also not queer as well, but a lot of it is queer.

But yeah, he consistently leverages his position as owner of that place.

Like, I've heard a number of other folks complain that other people that work for him help run the place, will go up to people that they find attractive and they will tease them in the same way about aren't you gonna play tonight?

Would you reconsider?

He was hoping to charm you and your roommate into reconsidering playing, because it was a happening night, and he was hoping to get you on the cross.

Sure.

And also then, as he was doing that between attempts to charm you, he brought over a friend and he's like, well, who ranks the best people here tonight?

Who ranks the best at?

Asked his friend.

Yeah.

Like, oh, rank the people that we know here, huh?

Yeah.

And he was fishing for...

A compliment.

Yeah, you rank really high, Ken.

And he's like, well, I didn't say it.

Yeah.

Listen, when someone is absolutely hammering on about...

Well, here's what other people say about me.

Red flag.

I don't know.

Like, how about you just show me the kind of person that you are?

Because right now you're showing me you're hiding something or that you're unsure or that there's doubt.

It doesn't reassure me of anything.

And then when your dom walks away, he asks you if you'd consider letting him top you?

Yeah, as soon as people started walking away, and I was about to walk away too, like the conversation had ended.

And then he real quick was like, hey, if you ever want to do a scene together, let me know.

And I was like, okay.

And I walked away.

And at first I was like, oh, nice.

And then I was like, wait, why did you wait until everyone started walking away?

You needed to get that by right then and there after showing me your submissives and where you're gonna spank your submissives.

And for somebody who is presenting themselves as confident, as an important top, that's not very convincing.

That's very underhanded.

That's sneaky.

That's sleazy.

Venue, two out of five ballgags.

Ken, as a potential top, I give him...

No ballgag.

Yeah, no ballgag.

I'm not impressed with him as a person.

Honestly, okay.

Honestly, I would let Ken do impact on me for a little bit.

But you know, but also I do let questionable things happen to me.

So I don't know.

And there's a number of things going on here, but like sitting down and talking to him, he's all right to talk to.

He's an incredibly charming man, funny, domineering.

He really reminds me of my uncles on my mother's side.

Which was both like uncomfortable, but was also hitting the same fucking buttons that like, I don't know.

What buttons does that hit?

When someone just reminds you of your fucking uncles.

Guys, come on.

I guess it depends on the uncle.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know, but my uncles made me feel like shit sometimes.

So because I always had to have the last word and everything and can kind of use that.

What got under my skin too was him misgendering you and your roommate.

And the thing is, I know that he watched the videos of our introductions, our intro episode twice, because I've got him commenting once and then watching a second time.

So he knows your preferred pronouns.

So is that one of his moves as a dom?

Like, I need to make you feel belittled.

Like, I misgender you on purpose, or he doesn't pay close enough attention.

Yeah.

I mean, I think you would argue that perhaps he doesn't play close enough attention.

I don't think he's doing it intentionally.

I have no reason to believe that someone is intentionally trying to misgender me.

Especially if someone's trying to charm me, might I say.

But yeah, I would argue that he wasn't paying close enough attention, or just like forgot.

And either way, that feels fucking shitty.

And it's not someone that I want to be in kink community with, nor is it ever someone I would fucking play with.

It's not impressive, that's for sure.

Yeah, it's really unimpressive.

Yeah.

Disappointing.

Yeah.

Because it's kind of the bare minimum effort you need to put in.

I'm paying attention to you.

So, I mean, from like, I'm not really a bottom, I guess I'm a self-switch, but I'm not like actively a bottom, like I don't have a ton of experience.

I want you to impress me before you degrade me kind of thing.

I feel like that's kind of like...

It reminds me of all the fake doms that are like, hey, slut, you want to be my slut slut?

And I'm like, nope.

Thank you.

Impress me.

I guess that's what he's trying to do, impress us, but I think that's the wrong way to go about impressing people.

I think it doesn't show much about how you truly are.

I walked away that night, you know, like I'm impressed with the venue and how Ken manages it and Ken as a person, especially the next day.

Once I sat on it, I'm like, I got a lot of red flags from that night.

And full disclosure, he had us film this double impact scene for him and his sub and his sub-friend or something like that.

I think they were both his submissives.

Something like that.

And I mean, the impact was fine.

That was the only okay thing that I experienced that night.

Yeah.

Everything else was just kind of like disappointing.

Kind of changed my opinion on Dex Ranch.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Subspace Exploration Project.

Every episode, you can join us for a plunge into kink, non-monogamy, sex education, deconstructing the gender binary, queer culture, and building healthy communities.

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